Hiiiiiii! at a coffee shop, having caramel machiato. Is that the right spelling? lol

I just got my biker boooooots from ROSS today, Guess how much!! For only $25!!! (Well, it was $85 originally) That's what I really like about ROSS, good finds at incredibly cheap prices!!! yayyy. i really really love boots but I never get to wear them that much especially in PI, I just like looking at them. lol, maybe if am like really really rich that's all I'll ever have on my closet.  like, loooooads of boots and heels. lol. I also got me some black ribbon heels and leopard print flats from steve madden. lol that's it for today, gotta go back to Macy's now! Chao <3

I have never been this MIA ever, A lot has been going on with me lately and all I can think about is what to do next. I've never been disappointed with myself even after I had too much fun. For one night, I realized a lot of things; that I'm gonna be 19 soon and I cant stay like this forever. I never said sorry, I'm too shy to admit my mistake. I never answered back either, but I think that's even better cause in a way I get to say what I feel. I don't know how/why but there was one person who made me say sorry just by saying, "blah blah mag sorry ka nga..." its weird, cause even my best friends couldn't get me to say it. I don't know, there are just those people who can push you with the simplest words. I wanna say sorry of course, I'm just not good at it.

I thought these was normal, whatever am going through/doing is part of a teenage life. And that a lot of other kids are in the same situation as I am. But then I thought that I don't have to compare or find someone who's in the same situation as I am to feel better.


A few days ago an old family friend came over and talked me to me. Honestly, I was furious. Usual thoughts; what position are you in to tell me that? But then she kept going on and on about her kid idolizing me. That her daughter goes like "Ma this looks like what ate clau is wearing oh" and she even wants to take the same course as I did which was fashion design cause she wanted to be like me.. I felt bad that I didn't know there was someone out there who was looking up to me and she doesn't know how much of a mess I am right now.

Lately have been the most inconsistent, confusing, frustrating, hassle, days with you.
But gez what, Like right now-now, Its like I don't even care anymore. I want to care, I really do. But its just not like that anymore. Omggg what happened! :| =))

I just cant wait to get over everything.

(I dont even know what am doing here exactly) ...and get my ass of to wherever, get a job and just survive for the mean time.
I know I can do it. I'll go back to school when I feel that I'm ready, and take it seriously.
I'm still gonna slack off and do the same thing and continue wasting money on tuition fees If I enroll myself next term. So for the mean time, I think.. I'll just think of other ways to be productive. lol :P

Sometimes I wonder when will I ever feel the need to be responsible, but then I continue being me.

Dear Claudine of 5 years later,
You wasted 2 years of college, I hope by now you realize how much time, money and effort is wasted. and if by then you still haven't figure out what you really want to do with your life, (or if theres anything you wanna do anyway) ...I suggest that you just beautify yourself!! Go on a major diet, be vegetarian! Stay healthy, make yourself descent, be street smart and reserved. Just marry a prince or something! Cause I swear, you're gonna die if you dont do anything.

Always Love,
Claudine, 18 y/o (2011)

I just wanna say..............
I GET IT NOW;)

HAY NAKO.
I went to my condo today with my mom and it looks so different na. It looks like a home. Haha! lol its so, home-y. with our family picture frames, and those stuff. hahaha! So I'm guessing I'm not getting it back anymore. Well, its too big for me anyway. Why would I need a 2 bedroom place to stay at right. But I'm hoping that they'd let me stay at Icon, the one at the fort. I haven't been there yet, only in pictures. But its amazinggggg. The view is perfect, and its one bedroom lang. So perfect for me. So please mommy!!! let me have it :(((

Ive been on this page thinking what to write, then I end up deleting it again. I usually just talk and talk and typeee whatever that comes in my head, (like now) But I got nothing except about you, about you i can not write about. And since I know you dont know about this blog anyway, maybe ill say the words i told you but this time, soberly.

hi friend,
I seriously hope I can take back all the things I said last night. I've never really said anything like that to anyone since my last. But I did, to you who I've only known for like what, 2 months. I cant even remember if we were ever friends, I just know we flirt a lot. And I knew it was not something to be taken seriously cause come on, you're taken, I knew it and I didnt care cause I didnt plan on liking you. I just like having you around. And we both know that. Not until that tuesday night we were both alone at cable, not literally alone, but like you weren't with you friends and my friends wasn't there either. We hung out sober for the first time and played our first beer pong game together. I guess that was the first time that I was open to the idea of may be I'm liking you already. We got closer, or I like to think we are, we got more open and say the words i miss you and ":*". And then we made our 3 month bet which made it a lot more confusing to me if you're actually serious or just the usual drunk bets. I remember this one time you got drunk at Eastwood, and you were saying these stuffs I cant say here. yesss I still clearly remember everything there is about you. And it sucks cause I cant do anything about it. My friend asked you, if you were to pick between me and your girlfriend, you didn't answer. You didn't answer not because you're confused, you didn't answer cause you didn't want me to hear you pick your girlfriend. That was enough for me cause then it just shows at some point, you care about how I feel when I hear you say that.

About my texts last night, I should have just said "April Fools!" to save me my pride when you asked this morning if i was serious. I cant say anything else to you but I'm sorry I was out of line, and there you are saying its not. Can't you just help me out here? Push me away if you can.

I have been blog-MIA for the longest time ever.

This past few weeks have been by far my laziest week ever. I didn't really had a reason to skip almost all my classes last week but I find a reason to anyway; No uniform. But Im catching up this week, i went to almost all my classes except NSTP and wordproc, hihi im dropping both! :D



I've had too much cable car, there are nights that me and my friends we'll be like, oh lets go somewhere else blah blah but we end up going to cable anyway. Oh like this one time, last tuesday, we planned a movie night at my condo, but yeaaah, it was beer pong night. We ran out of beers so we went to cable after.


Hay na ko.. Then someone asked me in formspring about partying too much asking for attention blah blah blah. Guess what, if you've actually been to cable, you wouldn't really say that. The place is really chill and funn! thats what I like about it! Like you dont have to dress up or whatever. Like my usual clothes; hoodies jeans and sneakers. See! Thats not exactly counted as partying right? =)) So what if I like going thereee. Sorry kasi! :))

I take it back, Thursday really is a happy thursday.

Routine.
Algebra at 9:45am; booo I was late :( speaking of, I have to look for my seatwork or I dont get credit for it!!!
Went back to my condo at 10:40; dismissed early!!

Okay, originally, I was planning to cut my ordev class to go shopping. (but I've been really really trying my best to save, this is the last na.) Well yeah, plan was to leave taft at 11 then be back to school by 6 for my next class which is comsk2x. So there, supposedly, I will only have one cut for the day.

I asked my friend Bryant to come with, and so of course he'd go. But I had to wait for him after ordev class so then I decided to go as well. But I felt so comfortable not wearing my corpo attire already, so I ended up cutting in anyway.

We (carmina, bryant, gabe, dean, and pat-drove us! yay!) went to mega maaaaall! It was so hassle cause when we got there, me and carmina went straight to F21 cause the boys wanted to eat first and just come follow after. That's what I thought. I only had like what, an hour to freaking shop. Aughhh then I got a text saying "meet us in the car now" Aughhhhhh that was really annoying. I replied saying i'm paying already but I was actually strolling pa.

Anyway I made it to my 8pm class!! It's really 745 but I got there at 8 and I wasn't marked late. yay!! Hahaha! I haaate that prof, not him. But him as a prof! He talks so much!!! Like let's say materialism, he takes about 15 minutes for that WORD alone discussing it. It's really starting to get boring na. He relates it to every freaking thing in this big ass world. But other than that, I can say that he's a really really good prof and he's smart. It's just that, it's a night class! Please. :| =))

I got home at around 10, I swear. I'm like a ninja =)) I was able to shower, fix myself in like 20minutes.
then of course, cable car after! It's my first time there, and it actually looks really fun. I wish I know how to play beer pong though =))

Diet, failed.

Diet always always start tomorrow. But I managed to start today. (Not literally today today)  Aughh But I feel like I'm not losing weight. Okay, maybe I lose a lb or two then destroy my progress for the next few days. I cant even say its a progress its more like a fluctuation. I started to eat heavy breakfast and skip lunch and have a light dinner, I was able to keep up for maybe, a few days or so. Then I go home and my mom cooks this really really good food, How can I skip that right? So I let myself have a taste, then I continued doing so for the next few days, then I start on my diet again. Its never really constant. It's so annoying that I get this weak. Well, there are really times that I get emotional about my weight. I'm so tired of being fat. 

sorry i'm such a negative person.

UPDATE

AWWWESOME things. My class doesnt start until later at 7:45pm till 9:15pm ONLY and I got my money today! But I'm thinking of just saving it.
SAAAAAD things. - My class starts at 8:00am tomorrow morning and I've been sitting here browsing on a lot of good clothes/shoes. I'm so sad! :(

1. I want to see what later is gonna look like then go back to now.
2. I want to stop going to school but continue seeing my friends.
3. I want to have a lot of money and no credit card limits that I don't have to pay for.
4. I want to have the 16 candles from the 16 wishes disney movie.
5. I want to experience for a day or two how it's gonna be like when I'm the President of this big ass world, not just a country.
6. I want to go to Disney world, but I want to be 12 when I have a chance to.
7. I want to be as creative as Phineas and Ferb.
8. and as smart as Jimmy Neutron.
9. I want to make something big as facebook.
10. I want to travel outside space.
11. I want to meet my suuuuuuuper crushes Zac Efron, Chace Crawford, Ian Somerhalder, Asher Book, Logan Lerman, Zach Roeri, Michael Travino, Johnny Pacar, Jonathan Bennett icangoonandonandon but I have to stop.
12. I want to be anorexic.
13. I want to be famous for something worth being famous about.
14. I want to have breakfast in bed at Paris, lunch in Japan and back home for dinner.
15. I want to have hannah montana's closet, not her clothes. its rotating walk in closet!!
16. I want to have all the things I cant think of right now, surprise me!



but in life, you dont always get what you want. lol its sad. boooo.

Of course.

 "The Parents Television Council has branded the US re-make of the British teen drama “the most dangerous programme ever for children” for its scenes of a sexual nature involving minors and references to drugs and alcohol."
“Every single advertiser who sponsored the premiere episode of Skins is not only endorsing but glorifying teen drug and alcohol abuse, not to mention a plethora of baseless sexual content,”


-www.christiantoday.com

I've seen the british version, and I knew the time I heard about this US version, its not gonna be as good.

I remember blogging about this one before it aired. lol kbye!!

Everyone has a choice, but not everyones an option.

You had a choice, & you chose the "Im-so-coolI-dont_need-anymore-friend-chasing". Not that were involved in any romantic way of course, but the least you could do was salvage the friendship. I was the option that comes in two buttons, click-able to friend on and off. Friend mode on where you can talk to whenever when you feel like it and only when you feel like it cause you feel like it. Maybe ignore is a bit too much but I cant come up with anything better to describe it as it is. I wanted to apologize but I realize I done know exactly what I would be apologizing for. I guess maybe I just want to apologize for the sake of skipping this cold war and hoping that after I do, everything will just go back to how it used to be. 


After the weeks that passed, I knew that everything I prayed for isn't going to happen. I've always been weak and needy. Needy of my friends attention whenever I'm down. And right now in college, I'm not getting it. Not as much as high school where all my friends attention was on me and my situation. The ones when I dont have to say Ooh Im sad blah blah blah but they'll just know. I was very selfish. And I really feel bad about myself. 


Its just that
A. I just have to fucking grow up and learn to take things lightly, RELAX! And dont put too much effort on something thats obviously hopeless.
B. It's college, no one really cares whats up with you. Everyone has their own thing going on so not all the attentions on you like a snotty little brat. Just thank God that he's always there when everyones not.
C. Stop being a conniving bitch.

2010 was indeed memorable.

            So tonight im trying to recap the year  2010, my initial thought was to talk about what happened in between. But then I realized that I'd first talk about the most amazing friends I met. 2010 was a really crazy year for me. I'd much rather recap the year through images along with a lil discription bout it. Some of them may be someone I've known from highschool or might be even people I've only met once or twice, or someone whom i hung out for the meantime. So, before I say anything else, here is how my 2010 looked like and how they helped me made it memorably crazy :)

LF1W. ALWAYS. You guys always made me feel like I'm a part of your block <3 And I really love hanging with you all. 

 SOFAB. I was the only minor one when am with them, I admit, it was awkward at first cause I was never really with a group whos like not my age bracket. But we all clicked anyways. And although I dont get to talk or hang with them no more, I will never ever forget them =)

Even though I hung out with them for the shortest time, All those times have been fckingass crazy. 

College friends! Whooooo AND MORE TO COME! =)

AND OF COURSE...

  And of course these girls, When you think about it (and when you actually know us from high school, we were never really close, i mean yeah we're close but it was only towards the end of the senior year) These are the girls who I share everything with. No secrets. As for paulina, even though she's not in the Philippines, we still managed to talk everyday! WHY? BBM! So nothing really changed:)

A very happy thursday,

 

Tagaytay for Lunch at Leslies with some of my most amazing friends at CSB
(Dennise, Mark, Gabe, Bryant, Karlo and Pat)
Then Central Taft right after
(Kristella, Carmina, Dean, Bryant, Mark, Dennise, Dan, Alex, Matt, Raffy, Ced and his friends)
The night isnt over yet, went to Sherwood to continue drinking.
THE LAST HAPPY THURSDAY OF THE SEM.
I'LL SURELY MISS HAPPY THURSDAYS!

'TILL NEXT SEM!

So someone sent me this link, Sounds familiar? =) INTENSE.
seriously, I know you know nothing about my situation BUT READ IT. HAHAHAHAHA! This person must be really really REALLY mad.

I have royally fucked you over and you have absolutely no idea, and it is disgusting how fantastic that makes me feel. I dated your ex-boyfriend for SIX MONTHS and he loved me, and you don’t know it. I fixed him after you, being your usual selfish, bitch-ass self, broke him.

You are far from being over him, VERY far. But after he broke up with you, because you told him you had sleepovers with other guys, you promptly hooked up with said guy, and then lost your virginity to a douche bag we went to high school with. And then you STILL expect him to want to be with you again?!

Your breakup was a long time coming, and all of his friends and all your friends knew it. He treated you like the spoiled princess you wish you were because he loved you, and you demanded it. He would’ve given you the world, but you never ever deserved it, not from him. He is an amazing person. Sure, people make mistakes, but you made one and would not own up to it, which just made it worse. Maybe if you were more patient and less annoying and needy, he might have taken you back by now. But no, you are psychotic so you felt the need to TORTURE him constantly.

Well guess what, bitch? You lose. You are one of the most immature people I’ve ever known, and part of your immaturity is your annoying competitiveness. I’ve never played any type of game with you because you’re so fucking annoying when you play them because you NEED to win. Like, shut the fuck up, it’s a game. That is a terrible quality. I love the fact that I can say that I WIN THIS ONE! He is one thing that I had, that you will never have again. He and I had a relationship that encompassed a hell of a lot of things that you don’t even know how to feel about another person, as well as some things that you wouldn’t DO (that you lie about, and tell people you’ve done) that I have done. I fucking win.

And there is no way you can ever top me, not when it comes to the boy. The boy you loved and lost, and the boy I loved and lost. I took away lots of amazing lessons from that relationship, as all normal people do when they lose something dear to them, but some great things I felt when our relationship was over was that you would never get what you wanted with him. You text him all the time, claiming to just be friendly, but we both know that it’s just you wanting to pick fights with him and somehow try to get him back. I will win this bet. You will not be back together with him. He’s too good for you. And I’m too good for you.

That’s why I haven’t talked to you in a month. I have been DYING to tell you how much of a selfish fucking bitch I think you are, but I don’t have the heart to say it because I know that you’ll revel in the abuse. You LOVE being the victim, and I just can’t allow that kind of satisfaction on your end. Wow, I really wish you could see how much the guys think you’re crazy, I have no idea why they won’t just stop inviting you places. I guess they need to at least hang out with one girl.

I just love you you IM me on skype, feigning concern over what’s going on in my life, when you really have selfish motives. You think that he and I were together, and I’m keeping that secret more for his sake than mine, so I will not admit it to you. You complain about how I don’t tell you when big things are going on in my life, like when the most impactful relationship I’ve ever had ended, because you see my facebook statuses that were sad because I was sad.

But you were not concerned about if I was okay, you were concerned that it had something to do with your ex. Which it did. But I can’t tell you. And I made sure that you knew that my sadness had NOTHING to do with you, because he is your EX boyfriend, therefore has nothing to do with you. We did not break up because of the stress that keeping our relationship a secret caused, we did not break up because we felt bad for you, we broke up because as much as we were in love adn wanted to be together, our timing sucked. And that fucking sucks because we were amazing, better than you ever were. He told me over and over how I was an upgrade from you, how when we were intimate it was like he was feeling desire for real for the first time. He really said that, “So this is what it’s like to really want to be with somebody.”

He is not yours. He was, for a long time. And he was mine for a while. But now he is his own person. Please let him be. Stop forcing him to stoop to your level and argue about things that don’t matter. I try to help you, instead of telling you all of this, and I regret it every second because girl, you need a real big dose of reality so you can get out of your fucking fairytale land. It doesn’t exist. Nothing revolves around you except for yourself. I love that you are alone. Maybe it’ll teach you a lesson. God knows you need it.

This is so frustrating. I have 3 finals for tomorrow starting at 8am. 8AM DO YOU HEAR ME!!! I cant even get up earlier than 10. SIGHHH! To make things worst, NSTP is my first. I seriously dont like that subject. No, I hate it. Its boring. Its disgusting. Hehe, Okay OA lang ako. But I really dont like it :(( Every NSTP, I just sit, phone and doodle on my notes (not nstp notes, i dont write notes) then leave, go to the cafeteria, buy food, go back, eat. Then go out, sit outside, go back inside. Yay! Dismissed! Its the same cycle ever NSTP. What I'm trying to say is that, I WAS PLANNING TO STUDY FOR NSTP TOMORROW MORNING BEFORE NSTP, AND HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT IF THE EXAMS AT 8AM. FML.

2011, Im ready! Oh it is on!

And so I've made my New years Resolution, I never really made effort in making these things but this year will be an exception, cause its gonna be awezum!

• save more money: LEARN to save. Cause honestly, I don’t save. Confession: I'm a one day millionaire. So my goal for this year is to save save save!
• know my priorities: AKA have limits, for those of you who knows me, no side comments please! Haha! I'm trying here. 
• learn to forget: we're not in grade school claude, so all this BS trying to get even, doesnt work anymore.
• say hello to fitness first: since they make it so damn complicated to terminate it that I'm still holding onto it, and paying of course. So to make it worth, duuuh USE.  
• APPRECIATE. yeah, I said it. Be more appreciative and I know I am of course, but show my appreciation. hihihi 
• have a passion: Well ofcourse I do, what I meant was do something about it.
• KEEP A DIARY: or at least the starbucks planner will do, keep track of everything that happen each day, its nice to have something to look back at. and laugh at it later on.
• DONT cry over an ASSHOLE: Self explanortory bitches. (smiles then blush:">)
• drink water, a loooot of water: Water theraphy everyfuckingday. It helps, its good for the bodaay!
• Fix yozelf. Look good for yourself, not for anyone. Be blooming for yourself, not because of someone. Be a better person, have fun and live life! Smile a lot, cherish everyfuckin moments, you only get them once in a lifetime.

Let go of the past. Clean Slate. Smile, its what everyone wants to see.

2011, show me what you got! ;)

Imaginatioooooonz

In two years, I wanna be someone! Like, the kind of person you see in the mall or walking on streets and be like, Oh F thats claude! HAHAHAHAHA! and the other goes, whos claude?! =))) Then you're like.. You know, Claude. blah blah blah --- HAHA!


I'm writing an essay for our filipino class about where or how we see ourself in 2020: Heres how mine goes, and later to be translated in filipino. (sorry for my super super OA imagination, spare me this. its my blog lol!)

Once I graduate here at CSB, I will move to California along with my brother who will go to Stanford for college. I will work full time at a hotel for a year or so and save up money for my tuition so I can go back to studying fashion design and marketing at FIDM in LA. In between school works, I will get a part time job as an assistant stylist or as a junior associate stylist in small magazine companies. I will master my profession within this company cause this is where I will slowly move my way up to the fashion industry. Since studying in FIDM opens a lot of doors to the industry, I will continue to be active on fashion events and use this opportunity for me to enhance my talent in this field.

I graduated and is financially and career wise stabled. Living in LA as a fashion editor of known magazine company. I've also been doing a lot of fashion styling projects and editorial shoots in news papers and several magazines. I am now engaged to a man who works at a real estate company. He's the son of my boss whom I mistaken as a delivery boy since he always bring foods to my boss. (Thats how our love story started) We have a daughter who is in 2nd grade now, she also does modeling and shes doing an acting workshop only because I saw an interest in her about wanting to be in disney channel. 






Life is amazingggg for us =)))) 


LOL --DRAFT, K? SORRY NA. Nahiya na ko dagdagan pa yan. Wahahaha!

Wow about a second ago, I was on flaired, I didnt realized I was logged on till I clicked "my site" so I checked all my pages including blogs, boy  I sure do express myself a lot publicly :| and I mean too much. A little bit too much. 


hihi check this, I admit, I was so bitter!! :|


I really dislike it when people hurt me (or try to) multiple times over and over again. I'm a forgiving person so I'll forgive more than once. So when they come waltzing back in my life with a lack of an apology, I'll allow it. A couple of times, anyway.

There just comes a point where an apology isn't really sincere.. If people can hurt people or say rude things but not swallow their pride enough to apologize, I don't think that's a person I want in my life. If someone can't ever admit when their wrong - not so much for why they said it or did what they did , but the way they did it - then I just don't think that's a person to have around. He's just too shallow to say sorry and try to explain things im sick of hearing.

I'm tired of people who are always quick to say how sorry they are, yet they're the same people who will tear someone down in a minute if they get a chance. And again, they'd appologize to you and said things were done unintentionally.

I can be nice to people I don't like. But it doesn't mean im being plastic. Just being civil about it. It's no problem for me to be around them if I have to. I just wish when I'm being nice to them, they didn't think that was an open invitation for them to try to ease their way back in. I can forgive, and I do forgive. But that doesn't mean I have to allow them back in my life. I can never forget what they did, or what happened.

No, I haven't always been innocent in all of the situations. I've said some things I probably shouldn't. Because regardless of how evil the things that were done to and even if I was just retaliating, I don't want to hurt anyone. I just really dont want them in my life, even If I end up hurting people.

But hey, what can you do? I'll just continue living my life and letting it go. Some people will always need to feel like they're better than someone else. And well, doesn't pride always come before the fall? Truth be told, I don't really want them to fall. I hope they climb down the latter before that happens.

Anyway, maybe I'm the one being prideful thinking I should have an apology for the things I said or tried to do to hurt someone. Even if they were vile, what makes me think I deserve an apology? Pride, I'd say. :)) Hahaha!

Truthfully, it'd just be nice to know that they didn't mean it. I don't like admitting this but: I know im not a good person and I did terrible things in the past, I also want to be forgiven, but being friends is out of the picture.